Kentucky Fried Hippogriff
by wandthief
Summary: Ron and Harry take the kids to a popular fast-food restaurant. Humor ensues.


Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or KFC.

Quote: We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.

Prompts: coke, words,"Let me tell you something...", You always learn something, don't you? Even when you're not looking for a lesson.

Additional Info: Albus and Rose: 12 years; James: 13, Lily and Hugo: 10

Written for the "Writing Quotes" Challenge

**A/N:** I wrote this in 2 hours and approximately 30 minutes as I wanted to see how fast I could get a one-shot done. In other words, might be pretty sloppy. Bear with me please, it's supposed to be a quick and (hopefully) funny fanfic.

**Another A/N:** I posted this months ago, but after receiving a negative review, I immediately deleted it and cried myself to sleep. I have since decided to buck up and post it again. Hope you enjoy!

x.x.x.x.

"Don't make me go, Mum. _Pleeease_."

"Don't be silly, Al. You love hanging out with Dad, Uncle Ron, and your cousins!"

The youngest male Potter buried his face in his hands. "No, Mum. I don't. No matter how many times you pretend I do, it's not gonna happen."

"Now, Al -"

The woman's lecture was interrupted as a gang of red-heads burst through the door, and she broke into a smile like the conversation between her son had never happened.

"Ron, Hermione! Albus was just talking about how excited he was!"

"Hello, Gin," Ron Weasley said, while his wife gave Ginny a hug. "And Albus, nice to see you! Glad you're excited!"

Albus emerged from his hands to shoot his mother a glare, his glasses lopsided and hair ruffled. "Couldn't be happier," he mumbled.

"Oh, Albus, don't be so negative!" Rose said brightly, while taking a seat at the kitchen table. Hugo followed innocently behind her, but you could tell his eyes were searching for the Potter's cookie jar.

It was the annual "Harry and Ron's Let's Hang with the Kids Day," or more commonly known as "Let's-Give-Ginny-and-Hermione-a-Day-Off-Because-Last-Year-We-Forgot-Their-Birthday" Day. Every year, Ron and Harry would take the kids to some exciting place while their wives were allowed to relax at home. It was supposed to be fun, but somehow it always ended up with someone in tears.

"Are Harry and the other two just about ready?" asked Ron as he flopped onto the couch and kicked his feet onto the coffee table.

Ginny looked murderously at Ron, who nervously dropped his feet back down. "Harry's just about ready. And Lily and James -"

In a blur of strawberry red curls, the youngest Potter burst into the room. "Uncle Ron! You're finally here!" Lily gave her uncle a hug, and bounced up and down. "I've been waiting _forever_!"

James followed behind with his hands stuffed coolly in his pockets. He gave everyone a look that said "Don't expect _me _to jump up and down for you," and waited by the door.

In a couple of minutes, Harry appeared. "Are we all ready?" His hair was still slightly damp from the shower, and his t-shirt was ruffled.

Ron nodded. "Looks like it! Make sure to relax, 'Mione, and you too, Gin. C'mon, kids!" He gave Hermione once last kiss on the cheek while the kids walked out the door in a mix of groans, sighs, and cheers.

Outside waiting for them was a bright, lime green Ford Angelia. "I was able to convince my dad to let me use it," Ron said to Harry as he opened the doors. "On one condition: We don't run into any more attacking trees."

Harry let out a laugh. "I hope you told him no promises."

Soon the Potter and Weasley Clan were riding down the street comfortably in the small car, a car of which should have fit only 3 people, let alone 7.

"Do you have any idea where we're going, Dad?" asked Rose. "I hope we're not going to that petting zoo again. Remember when that Kneazle bit your -"

Ron coughed loudly. "Actually," he said over Lily's giggles," I thought we'd get something to eat first. Any ideas?"

A stream of words rushed out of each of the kids' mouths, each saying a different place, and soon the car was full of arguing, glares, and tearing eyes.

Ron banged his head against the dashboard. "Okay, never mind, that was my fault. Harry, you can choose."

"Hmmm," Harry said thoughtfully, scratching his chin. "Gin and I haven't taken the kids to KFH in a while. And now that I mention it, I'm pretty sure your kids have never eaten there. Their hot wings are to die for, you know."

Ron hesitated. "Erm, Hermione doesn't really app -"

But he was instantly droned out by James and Albus's fist-pumping and chanting in the back seat," KFH! KFH! KFH!"

The elder Weasley sighed. "Okay, KFH is is then."

They soon arrived at a small, white building. Across the top, in huge, flashing red letters, read "KFH." A picture of an old man with glasses and a crooked smile stared down upon them.

Rose got out of the car, frowning. "KFH? What does that stand for?" she asked, turning to her dad. But Ron and the rest of the pack were already walking towards the building.

Sighing, Rose tucked a strand of red hair behind her ear and followed her family into the building. To say the place was impressive was an understatement.

The floor alone was beautiful, with gleaming read and white checkered titles. The walls were painted a deep maroon, while a crystal chandelier hung on the ceiling, it's thousand pieces of delicately carved glass casting a fancy glow to the room.

"As fast-food places go," Ron said, still marveling at the floor,"this is pretty good."

Lily nodded enthusiastically. "Isn't the chandelier pretty? I wanted one in my room, but mom said I would die if we ever had an earthquake."

Rose, however, was staring horrified at the picture etched upon the entrance. "Is that – is that a hippogriff? That's not a hippogriff, right?"

Ron looked at Rose and felt his heart sinking horribly. He knew that expression on Rose's face – it was exactly how his wife looked all those years ago.

"You know what?" Ron said, and began to walk out of the fast-food building. "Maybe we should just order through drive-through so we can get to the super-exciting place quicker."

But no one was listening.

"What do you guys want?" asked Harry, who was already at the counter. "I know I'm getting those hot wings..."

"Uncle Harry?" interrupted Rose, and Harry turned around. "Why does the menu only involve Fried Hippogriff, Grilled Hippogriff, and Roast Hippogriff?"

"Well, personally, they could have better cooking methods – I mean, I need to watch my diet, but -"

Rose rolled her eyes. "No, Uncle Harry! I mean, they don't actually_ kill_ hippogriffs, do they?"

Harry had finally gotten sight of Ron, who was frantically jerking his head and making a slashing movement across his neck. "Well...erm... -"

"And those hot wings you want – they're not made of _hippogriff_, are they?"

Harry cast Rose a sheepish look. "Well, they might be..."

x.x.x.x.

After half of an hour of arguing, disbelief, and a refusal to eat anything related to a hippogriff, the group finally sat down with their orders, Rose with a plain Coke clutched angrily in her hands.

She glared at them while they happily munched down their Hippoburgers. She made sure to glare extra hard at Hugo; her own brother, now an indulger of this disgusting crime!

"How can you eat that stuff?" Rose burst out angrily after several minutes in silence. She couldn't even bring herself to drink the Coke that had been poured from the Kentucky Fried Killers.

Lily, Albus, James, and Hugo continued to eat, now rather guiltily.

"Just like your dear mother, Rose," Harry said, laughing. "Let me tell you something, she was always involved in the rights of house elves and things of that sort. And I've see you've inherited her passion."

With a final pout, Rose pushed her Coke away and crossed her arms.

It was only her manners that prevented her from leaping up onto the table and presenting a "Save the Hippogriff" speech right then and there.

x.x.x.x.

About a week later, the Weasley family came over to the Potter household for dinner.

"Oh, Harry!" Hermione said brightly, taking out a box out of her robe pocket. "I've already got Ron involved, but I've been meaning to ask you.."

She handed him a small, red-and-white badge. "Rose and I just organized it a couple of days ago! You'd make an excellent secretary, wouldn't you agree?"

Harry had a sickening feeling he knew what it was. He glanced at the badge in his palm, and groaned.

_C.H.A.R.P_

_ Corporation of the Hippogriff's Animal Rights Problem _

"Well...I'll think about it," Harry said, but promising to chuck it in a waste basket at the first opportunity. The last thing he needed was another SPEW.

* * *

><p>Side note:<p>

I agree. The eating of hippogriff is blatantly disgusting. I do not support this.

However, this story is meant to be humorous. It was written in a time crunch. "Kentucky Fried Hippogriff" does not deserve the time and effort it takes to write a two-paragraph rant on the illogicality of the subject.

And if you fail to make the (intentional) connection between KFC and KFH... I cannot help you.

With all my love,

~ Acciopencil


End file.
